Typically everyone has a different idea of what "ANXIETY" and "PANIC ATTACK" means. i hear people constantly say things like i just about had a panic attack, or I'm having so much anxiety, and i totally believe that they are experiencing those feelings. But for me personally, its much more than my heart racing, or getting that nervous feeling inside my gut. all of those reactions really do happen to me as well. But much more happens.
Somewhere along the line, i have created patters for myself. For example, lets say i went to Walmart today, and i had a "panic attack" ( which i will explain MY definition of in a bit). So I'm at Walmart and i have an attack, and then from that point on, i associate Walmart with that attack. So i no longer want to go to Walmart because last time that i was there, i had an attack. And the next day i went to Subway and i had an attack, and so i no longer want to go to subway because i assume that because i had an attack last time that i will have another one this time. i created a cycle for myself to the point that i wouldn't leave my home, because adventually i had "panic attacks" just about everywhere, so basically i wanted to go... no where!!
I lived that way for months, i actually had my husband go to the grocery store for me and i would talk to him on the phone and tell him what to grab as he went down each isle. Thankfully, i was blessed with a decent man, and i had him to go for me, but you get the point. Then the guilt that i felt for never leaving, and for making my husband do it all, overcame me, and i believe that i actually convinced myself at one point that i was justified. That it was all ok for my husband to do it all, i mean he said " for better or for worse" right?
I did see a Dr shortly after that point, and began taking medicine, and with help from my family, i have regained some of my territory! Like i said before i will go within a certain diameter of my home, but other than that i am still stuck. you can imagine the depression that goes along with just that. i feel like a disease, and a disappointment to my family!! it really takes a toll on your emotional happiness as well as physical.
I believe my fears are about having an actual panic attack. i believe that i am truly just afraid of the attack. i know that they come in all sizes and shapes, and panic attacks are generally different for everyone, but for me, it all begins with this feeling where i feel out of control of my body, i get a little light headed, and suddenly I'm sweating, and anxious, and my breathing quickens, and my chest feels tight, and i feel as though i cant breathe, and i know that i can, but i just feel like i cannot get a good deep breath. like when you have a chest cold and breathing deep physically hurts. It becomes difficult for me to walk because my legs feel like jello. i can know whats going on but my ability to think becomes clouded. its like I'm outside of my body, and all the normal communications that your brain sends out to your body, just don't work. Its very very terrifying. a second seems like a min, and a min seems like an hour. and all i want to do is get home, because at home.. i can freak out and not be embarrassed, or lay down on the floor and expand my lungs and take deep breaths, its just the place where i feel comfort from the rest of the world.
I feel that its so easy for others to say just think about something else, or recite a bible verse, or pray.. but in that moment of fear, all those feelings are very real, and its the hardest thing in the world to do to change your thoughts away from the thought of not breathing when you genuinely feel as though your having difficult breathing.
Ive been told that a panic attack can never last more than 25 min.?? I do not know this for a fact, and cannot even remember where i herd it, but i in fact was told that physically it cannot last more than 25 min. Now, for me.. at least i know there is an end, however.. 25 min???? That is a very long time!!
SO.. this is a glimpse of my fears! i told you, its a dark place up here sometimes.. LOL! stay tuned for more :)
I feel that its so easy for others to say just think about something else, or recite a bible verse, or pray.. but in that moment of fear, all those feelings are very real, and its the hardest thing in the world to do to change your thoughts away from the thought of not breathing when you genuinely feel as though your having difficult breathing.
Ive been told that a panic attack can never last more than 25 min.?? I do not know this for a fact, and cannot even remember where i herd it, but i in fact was told that physically it cannot last more than 25 min. Now, for me.. at least i know there is an end, however.. 25 min???? That is a very long time!!
SO.. this is a glimpse of my fears! i told you, its a dark place up here sometimes.. LOL! stay tuned for more :)
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