First of all, I would like to formally thank you for reading, and i truly hope that i can help, encourage and or inspire someone the way others have inspired me through their personal stories.
Secondly, i am by no means a professional writer, and my spelling stinks, and my grammar and punctuation stinks worse!! So please be aware of this before you read.
Third and lastly, i want everyone to know why i am starting this and sharing it with as little as a few or the entire world to see. I struggle with fear, worry, anxiety, depression, and panic attacks on a daily basis. They have basically taken over my life in full, and i want to share my thoughts and story, for a few reasons. One, because in my head, sometimes its nice to just vent and let it all out, and for some reason blogging sounded like a great escape for me and my thoughts. Secondly, and most importantly, i believe that everyone gets through their struggles maybe just a hair easier, when you have fellow friends and or acquaintances who are there for support, for advise, for or they are in a similar situation and they just need to know that they are not alone.
I have felt completely alone for many years now. i feel like i have some kind of disease that i don't want anyone to know that i have. i am afraid to be judged and labeled. while many of you may be thinking that this isn't exactly outing myself, its a step. its one step in the right directions. i don't believe that everyone needs to yell from the roof top that they have issues, but i do think that the people closest to you need to know, but like my mom told me recently. " no one really knows exactly what is going on with you because you share so little, and no one can really help with or be there and support you, pray for you, or anything because we don't really know how."
Just a brief background on me, i am 28 years old, love the Lord with all my heart and soul, mother of one precious 6 year old boy, wife to a wonderful husband, sister to 6 plus 2 sister in laws, daughter to the most wonderful and supportive parents a girl could ask for, and i struggle with anxiety, panic attacks, and depression. Most of my anxiety has been in my early to current 20's, although i did have some mild when i was in high school. i would love to tell you i have a magic cure or secret pill that i take that makes it all ok, but .. i don't. i am on medication for my anxiety, and i do see a dr and a counselor.
With all that being said, i know that my blog title is totally over rated, " just one step in my shoes" but to me it speaks volumes. Most people refer to their situation like, "walk a mile in my shoes", but for me, i like one step better. as i sit her typing, i do know that my life could be much much worse than it is, and i know this. i am not asking for a pity party, or for anyone to feel sorry for me. i just know that NO ONE has a clue what it feels like to walk in my shoes. Everyone has been or is in similar situations, but none of us know how the other person is feeling, because we haven't walked in their shoes.
I serve an amazing God, and i know that ive had some dark times, and there are days i pray and pray and pray and ask God WHY me, why do i have to live this way, but at the end of the day, in the quiet of the evening, i KNOW that i have a purpose. I dont know what that is quite yet, and i dont claim to understand this, or wish it upon anyone. What i do know, is there is a reason why i can barely leave my home on some days. why i let my drivers license expire in 2009, and its not 2013. Why i feel the need to stay within 15 min of my home at all times?? i do not know why, but i do that there is a reason that only My God knows, and one day i will know.
I plan to blog my thoughts, my experiences, pretty much whatever comes into this sometimes dark head of mine. SO .. please join me on my journey, and id love to hear some of your personal struggles as well.
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